Jack Wills. Again.

I do apologize for the barrage of posts concerning the clothing brand Jack Wills. But hilariously, they continue to outdo themselves in terms of elitist pretentiousness. For those that don't know, Jack Wills' tagline is  'Fabulously British University Outfitters'. Basically, preppy with a capital prep. Despite once being original. So, it's fair enough that such an image-conscious brand would name their items of clothing after distinctly British sounding towns. For example, the 'Brayton Boyfriend Blazer' and the 'Springton Denim Shorts'.

Now I always vaguely wondered if these names had any significance. If that cut of blazer actually originated in Brayton. After all, Jack Wills have this way of making out like they're authentic. I quote: The Bobbington (cardigan) is inspired by Aran knitwear, created by the islanders of Aran over the centuries using their own yarn. Within the complex patterns each stitch is said to have a meaning; the cable is supposedly a symbol of good fortune when out at sea. However, cardi in question was in fact popularised by...ooh, how to put this politically correctly...nah. Chavs. And I can't see the islanders of Aran dubbing their local cardi 'The Bobbington'.

'Wills also tend to imbue the content of their promotional material with a kind of alluring, enviable mystique, by not stating anything clearly and bombarding us with images irrelevant to clothes advertising. I turn the last page of the 'Home and Accessories' section in the catalogue, and am presented with a double-spread they've bunged up with pictures of well-dressed, ray-banned hotties and captioned: From Nantucket to Salcombe, this summer holiday we bridged the atlantic with festivals and beach parties uniting the university crowd. What the hell? Of course you did! Had a nice Summer holiday, did you all?

Anyway, I'm leafing through this new catalogue, and I encounter 'The Hertford belt'. Now this is interesting, as I live next door to Hertford. And no, it is not a navy-blue-white-stripe themed town. Nor is it particularly renowned for being the native land of canvas belts with leather detail. Shortly after, I come across the 'Bayford Skinny Chino'. Bayford is just south of Hertford. It's a village populated mostly by wildlife. Sorry, Bayford folk. And cue the realization that they literally have just methodically gone through the map of England and selected atmospheric titles to allocate their products. And the fog of mystique lifts, somewhat. I suppose I just allowed the wool to be pulled over my eyes. Pun not intended, although duly noted. Oh well, fashion's not a sin. We all want to be deceived in some respect or another, aye? That we're part of something big and worthy, maybe?

I don't know any Bayford folk who have ever worn chinos. Sadly. The world could use more chino-sporters. I don't technically own chinos, but I'm satisfied with my trouser collection. No, I'm not going to bother to try and hide the extent of my victimization at the hands of fashion. It hurts so good.

God, have they ever actually created Oxford Jeans? Or a Cambridge Shirt? It would literally be the smart-cas combo to end all smart-cas combos. They would probably only release them as limited edition, anniversary edition, end-times edition garments at triple the price of their usual rip-offs.

She says all this seriously contemplating the Spring term range of jewellery. £6.50 for 4 inches of faux leather. A.K.A. the Wrayton Wristband. It says 'KEEP YOUR PECKER UP'. Think that's quite clever.

Ttfn.